My first son, Ransom (Matthew Richard Michael) Coker, born at home on April 7th
More details to come…
Just moments after his birth…
Ransom with Mom after 26 hours of labour
Our Doula, and two Midwives with Mom and Ransom
Mom and Ransom, 5 am and ready for bed!
First visit from our Midwife later on April 7th
Mom and Ransom on day three
Precious.
The great folks who rent our home to us put up this sign for Ransom!
Our first family walk on day three
Snuggling in a blanky from Grandma C.
I mentioned when I began this series of reflections that I got my start in “photography” when I was a kid. I just loved to capture the moment, and every once in a while I’d try something sort of artistic.
A couple summers ago my wife and I took photographs for a wedding in Toronto. It was a challenging day for me that got off to a rough start. I was supposed to meet up with the guys in the morning to take photos of them once they were dressed for the wedding. Unfortunately, they had to take off early, so I missed them. When I caught up with them things were a little chaotic and trying to get them all together for some formal shots just didn’t seem to be working. We all went for lunch at a near by pizza place. During lunch I just started snapping pictures. Oh, I know, “pictures of groomsmen scarfing pizza? Why did you take those?”
I have this weird “philosophy” went it comes to “photography.” I just want to capture the moment. Maybe it’s a facial expression, or the mess of wrapping paper on Christmas morning. After all, it’s not always the grand moments of artistic significance that a person looks back on. I’ve heard enough brides complain about their weddings to know that it’s the little details that make or break the day. So I captured a minor detail, lunch at a little pizza shop. Unconventional, I know. But I kinda suspect that the lunch is a detail worth looking back on.
As it turns out, the lunch was mentioned in an article about the pizza shop, and one of the photos I took was featured in the article. No doubt, there is much to be learned from books on professional photography (like showing up extra early and getting the “money shot” of the guys in their tuxes). But sometimes you need to just go with the flow and realize that lunch can be important too – especially to a group of guys!
I’m gonna start living out loud
My soul’s been dying
To scream and shout
And shatter the silence
It’s a beautiful sound when each moment counts
Starting right now, I’m gonna start living out loud
I’ve always been a quiet person. Avoiding confrontation. Introverted. You know the type. I’ve never minded it really, but it can be a little limiting. There are certain situations that I try to avoid and many jobs that I would never want (management, politician, etc.). Most of the jobs I’ve had have basically just been cheap labour. It’s kind of a bummer being young and thinking that I’ll have to settle for a job consisting of mindless repetition and ‘working for the weekend.’ When this photography job came along (which has ended for now), I got pretty excited. This was my first chance to have a full time job doing something that I enjoyed.
The job turned out to be more focused on the people that I was photographing rather than the photography itself. Not being a ‘people person,’ this was very difficult for me. There were days that I would come home feeling like a failure. I had one week that started off like hell. I listened to students all day complaining that they’ve never had a good school photo, or that they’re ugly, or they’re upset that they can’t make a goofy face (cause that’ll make for a nice attractive school photo right?).
That week was like a moment of truth for me. I either had to quit that job or figure out how to be the type of person that succeeds (whatever that might mean) in that sort of situation. Each day I conquered something. The job went from feeling like a factory process of taking crappy pictures of students with crappy attitudes, to this amazing job in which (in just a few seconds) I could get students thinking positive and having fun.
Not a bad week for somebody who so often fears people!
I kinda discovered a soundtrack of songs over that week.
I was at a high school today doing picture day retakes. Naturally, on retake day at a high school, I get the really picky people who need a million shots before the smile or the hair is just right. Most of the people on retake day are pretty insecure.
Today a girl came to the camera and handed me her proof sheets. The original picture was actually pretty nice. I thought to myself this is gonna be another one of those ten minute sessions before she is satisfied with herself. To my surprise, she actually liked the original photo. It was her mom who didn’t like it. I asked her if her mom mentioned anything specific that she didn’t like in the photo. The girl said, “my face.” Oh.
A few days ago a couple of co-workers and I pulled up to an elementary school ready to tackle the day. I had been photographing high school kids for a couple weeks and was sort of looking forward to the challenge of younger kids. Well, the school dropped a bomb on us. Not literally of course. That would be bad for business. No, they dropped something worse than a bomb. They dropped three-year-olds on us. They started a pre-school this year, and with no warning we had to photograph them. And they were crying. Early mornings and crying kids do not belong together. Needless to say, it put a damper on the day.
I was a little stressed trying to learn how to get good expressions from tiny kids and the crying just didn’t help. Remember, it was them crying not me. As the classes got older the day went much more smoothly. Somewhere around grade 1 or 2 kids become, well, I’ll just say it. Human. They finally become human. They respond, sit still, and smile!
When I got to the grade 5 class they were starting to give a little attitude. All good for the most part. Right at the end of the class there was this little girl. She looked really cool. Cool shoes, cool hair. She’ll end up being an artist or something. She was pretty talkative and informed me that the picture wasn’t going to be any good because she was ugly. She’s in grade 5, how does she know what ugly is?
She sat on the block and fell almost perfectly into the pose. I got her to smile and the picture looked great. I don’t know what convinced this kid that she was ugly, but I really felt for her. I was so happy with the portrait that I decided to show it to her. I hardly ever do that because there just isn’t time for everybody to look at their picture. When she saw it, she said “that’s the best picture of me I’ve ever had.” I was on cloud 9 for like a week.
Not a bad day.
One of the most difficult parts of doing portrait photography is that I’m not really a “people person.” I love people, but I find it difficult talking with people that I don’t know. If you’re not a people person either then you know that awkward moment that I’m talking about when you say “hi” and then think now what? I have about 200 of those situations a day!
What makes it tough is that I feel like people know. They know I’m new at this. They know I’m nervous. They know I think that I suck. But I learned a trick to deal with this. Just act. I just act like I’m really friendly and I can’t wait to take their picture. I act like I’ve been doing this forever. I act like I’m not nervous.
Pretty soon, the act became a reality. I love meeting people for the first time now. I can’t wait for the students to start pouring into the gym at crazy early hours in the morning. I greet them like they’re old friends. Actually, some of them are the kids of my old friends!
One of the first lessons I learned as a Picture Day photographer is to forget about your self esteem problems. The first step to being a good photographer when you’re not really a photographer is to throw your self-consciousness to the wind, and have some fun with it.
I’ve worked with my boss a couple times (he’s a real photographer). Working with the little kids was so embarrassing. It was great watching him. Professional. Perfectionist. Real photographer. Great with little kids! He was tossing around stuffed animals, talking in funny voices and making the kids laugh. It was great. But it was my turn next. “That’s how you do it Mat.”
Oh boy. Deep breath.
When I started this blog all time ago, I intended it to be reflections on the music that I was listening to. Before I knew it, I was commenting on movies, sitcoms and other forms of ‘art.’ Now I add a new dimension; photography. Well. not photography really. More like stories-about-what-happens-when-you-give-a-guy-a-camera-who-doesn’t-really-know-what-he’s-doing. And stuff like that.
I have a camera, but I’m not sure that photographer is the right label. I describe myself as a photographer by accident.
As a kid, I was totally into photography. I had a simple point and shoot camera – a major investment in the days of film. I just took lot’s of picture to capture the moment. I really wasn’t into art or technique or anything.
In university, the student council was desperate for a yearbook editor so they asked me to do it. With no real experience and little potential I said ‘sure!’ This began my adventure with a digital SLR.
After a few months of snapping photos for the yearbook, some students asked me to photograph their wedding. Yikes. I did it, and I hope they still like the pictures.
A few weddings and a trip to Arizona later, I landed a job doing school photos. Everyday is Picture Day for me now!
None of these gigs have been intentional. They just sort of keep happening. Picture Day photos have been a wild ride, and I’m only on week three. I want to share a few stories in the weeks to come. You never know what will happen on Picture Day.
This song takes me back! It’s ‘Scattered’ by Green Day
I found the title of this post floating around the Internet a few years ago. I hear the “who are you to judge” line so often that I thought I’d comment on it. I’m not just blowing off steam here, I think we really need to put some thought into this.
Who am I to judge? I’ll tell you who I am. I’m me. That’s who I am to judge! Look, I’ve got 24 hours a day to get through and want to make it out alive. This requires making a few judgments along the way, doesn’t it?
The first step is to realize that there is a difference between things. Not all things are the same. What is the difference between Nesquik and arsenic? Well, for one thing, arsenic is not trademarked and Nesquik is. But there is an even more compelling difference. A couple scoops of Nesquik in your milk really tastes good. A little arsenic in your milk will kill you. That’s the difference.
We are all persons. Persons are effected by things. Persons make choices. Even though our decision making process is often quite shallow, we still have to do it. When we have a choice to make we weigh the possibilities.
Not to spoil the ending for you, but the process of deciding between two things is called making a judgment. We make judgments all the time. Should I walk or take the car? Eat in or take out? Drink arsenic or dri… wait a minute! Drink arsenic? Why would I do a thing like that? Drinking arsenic would kill me. Being dead would suck.
Okay, sure. I can make judgments concerning myself, but isn’t it a little difficult to judge other people? Actually it’s not that hard. We do it all the time. In fact, every time that we tell somebody that it is wrong to judge we are judging them. Right to their face! As persons, we are making a judgment and telling somebody that they are wrong.
Judging people is uncomfortable (except when we do it without realizing it – like when we make the judgment that it is wrong to judge). When we tell people that it is wrong to judge we are refuting ourselves because we have to make a judgment in order to be able to say this.
But what if we all lived up to our “do not judge” attitudes. Do we really stop to think about this? What would the world look like if we stopped making judgments? “Hitler! Stop doing that! It’s wrong.” Ahh! But that’s judging. And who are you to judge? “I’m going to take you to court over this!” Well now, if courts don’t judge I don’t know who does. So shut down the courts because it is wrong to judge.
Try this one day; go through your whole day, from sun up to sun down, without making any judgments. Is this worth experimenting with?
But see, now I’ve forced you to make a judgment. And who are you to judge? You’re you!
Whenever you tell people not to judge you, you are inviting judgment. We are forced to evaluate your statement. You made us judge you. And that’s okay.
Let me recount a couple of events to you.
A few months ago I was downtown Toronto with a friend. We were in a part of town that was unfamiliar to me. The streets were narrow and the buildings towered above us on either side. How tall they were I cannot really say because we were so close to them that we could not see the tops. The sky was barely visible to us and shadows cast by the massive buildings covered almost everything. But suddenly we broke into a clearing and found ourselves in a massive concrete courtyard of sorts. Now we could see the buildings. They were massive; too many stories to count. They were all made of glass and their innards could be seen by all who passed by. As far as I could tell all the buildings housed banks and other financial institutions. I cannot even begin to guess how much this city block is worth or how much many pours in to those buildings every year. In some ways it felt like we passed through a great valley. In other ways it was a very creepy feeling. It was as if we entered a world in which nothing mattered except little pieces of paper and little round pieces of metal.
Well, that’s the first event. The second event happened just a day or two ago. I was sitting on the couch eating breakfast and watching T.V. A show ended and on came a World Vision program. The images of starving children were disturbing (come on I’m trying to eat), but I watched just long enough to remind myself that deep down inside I’m a really good person and it’s not my fault that they’re starving. You don’t even have to look very deep to see the good in me. Just look at the world around me. Life is pretty good. Anyway, then I picked up the remote to change the channel and for the first time in my life (and at a very critical moment I might add) the remote control failed me. Dead batteries. How could this have happened to me? I’m trying to eat my three course breakfast, the images of starving kids are making me feel guilty and my batteries die. Talk about bad timing. So there I was, siting on the couch with the T.V. more than three feet away (that’s like from you to the monitor and back). I sat there in a little bit of shock, just looking at the TV. Staring back at me were little kids and their moms who needed something to eat. And I got to thinking; what the hell is wrong with us? Seriously, what the hell? How could I just sit there?
What kind of human being can sit on his couch watching this stuff, too lazy to get up and change the channel? So I thought to myself, from this moment on I’m going to change. No more sitting back and doing nothing. I’m getting up, I’m defying laziness, I’m changing the channel. I will not let Laziness overcome me any more. For too long Sloth has been my friend. If I must get off the couch to change the channel then so be it. How dare I sit back and do nothing while bankers and lawyers work their butts off to build their financial empires? How dare I sit on my couch sweating and consuming while they work so hard to guide the world from their towers and perches that reach into the sky?
I will do something with my life. I will invest my money. I will make haste to multiply my fortunes. I will help the poor bankers one brick, yea, one pane of glass at a time. I will insure everything I own. I will even insure my insurance if I can. Gone are the days of doing nothing. I swear allegiance to loose change. For the price of a cup of coffee a day, at a compounded annual interest rate of two percent over prime, I will succeed. My life will have value. So will yours my friend.
Now to find some cheap batteries.
Born Frustrated – by Rancid
Soundtrack To My Thoughts 